


for you to be spring

by Silybum



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Gen, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silybum/pseuds/Silybum
Summary: Soul marks appear in pairs and each pair blooms only once; these are the things Subaru learns: an important person, an important event, an once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. As if Subaru should be so lucky.
Relationships: Natsuki Subaru & Emilia, Natsuki Subaru & Julius Juukulius | Julius Euclius, Natsuki Subaru & Otto Suwen, Natsuki Subaru & Ram, Natsuki Subaru & Reinhard Van Astrea, Natsuki Subaru & Rem, Natsuki Subaru & Wilhelm Van Astrea
Comments: 89
Kudos: 248





	1. sweet alyssum

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Meadow of Ink](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7574443) by [esama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/esama/pseuds/esama). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This first mark is how everything begins for him.

The flowers are soul marks, one flower for each person, although obviously more than one person can have the same kind of flower; they always appear in pairs and each pair blooms only once. It’s supposed to be a pivotal moment, the instant the scales tip, the moment you leave a fork on the road to travel the path of your choosing, that kind of thing.

This bond will bear fruit, is what the marks mean. So it’s not just about what has been, but about what is to come. This person will change your life for the better, this person will become important, and you will be just as important to them.

This is what ‘Satella’ explains, skittish and flustered and looking at him like she can’t believe he’s real; Puck (begrudgingly) corroborates these facts, and Subaru believes them both because why wouldn’t he?

He looks at the tiny cluster of white sweet alyssum flowers that had just bloomed on his left hand, looks at the girl cradling her right hand close to her, admiring her own newly acquired splash of color in the form of forget-me-nots speckled over her palm and the back of her hand, seemingly on the verge of tears—like this is an unexpected treasure she had long ago given up on attaining. Of course he would believe her; of course he would try to believe anything she said, no matter how unbelievable.

And, anyway, he’s already seen that this world has magic and elves, soul marks surely aren’t that implausible.

So, that first time, their flowers bloom under the sun, sprouting on their hands, the spot where they had each held the hands of a child between them.

After he dies, the first thing he does is check his stomach for a wound that is not there; the second thing he does is check his left hand for a mark that is also no longer there.

Such is the brutality of this world.

His determination to get this mark back and save the girl’s life in the process goes unrepaid, and instead he dies. He dies without a single mark upon him.

He still doesn’t give up.

Eventually, his stubbornness pays off. Anything else would have made his life a tragedy.

He gets a second chance with this soul mark. The second time happens when Reinhard arrives to save them from Elsa; under the moonlight, with Emilia’s smile still directed at him, the sweet alyssum blooms on Subaru’s bicep, where he had pushed her out of Elsa’s path. Subaru repays her name with a spiral of forget-me-nots on Emilia’s fair shoulder, turning her smile watery.

He passes out then, having no time to think about the other mark he had felt blooming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I tell you? I like my soulmates AUs.  
> Also, this fandom could use more platonic stuff, and if I have to be the first one to use the "&" tags, I _will_ because this is my self-indulgent shit.


	2. bleeding heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This second mark should actually be counted as his first, but that's the problem with time travel.

It should be obvious that having someone save your life is a pivotal moment for you, but for a soul mark to appear, the bond must go both ways—saving your life must be a pivotal moment for the person doing the saving. For Reinhard, who lives up to each of his titles (Knight among Knights, Sword Saint, Hero), saving lives comes as easy as breathing. Upon hearing someone scream for help, it was only natural for him to aid them; it wasn’t a choice, it was a reflex.

That’s why nothing happens in the alley and that’s completely normal.

After that brief interaction, though, all the choices he makes should have made the outcome obvious; not that he had thought about it at the time.

Trying to find out more information about the boy due to his outlandish claims, going to investigate the slums in search of the ‘loot cellar’ the boy had mentioned, running into a crying child begging for help and deciding to help her, those were all his choices. So, really, he only has himself to blame.

Of course, when he offers his help to the crying girl, nothing happens either, not just yet.

He saves Subaru a second time, defeats Elsa the Bowel Hunter in the process and seemingly saves also the life of a Royal Candidate—and still, nothing happens. It’s all in a day’s work for him.

And then, Subaru smiles and thanks him and, completely ignorant of whom he is speaking to, even after having seen him demolish the loot cellar, he adds almost playfully:

“You must have heard my heart cry out, friend!”

It’s an odd thing to say; odder still to refer to someone he had just called a monster moments ago as his friend, but Subaru is a strange young man and Reinhard can’t say he receives such open offers of friendship very often or at all, given both who he is and who he is related to. Subaru truly must not know anything about him. And so, from the bottom of his heart, clinging to this rare opportunity to be seen as more than his blood or his sword, he answers teasingly in kind:

“I would be rather proud if I could do that, friend.”

That’s the crucial choice that he makes, that’s the choice that changes everything: his choice of _words_.

Sometimes it really is a simple as that.

The words have just barely left his mouth, and Reinhard is just about to turn to look at the girl who had led him to this place to explain his timely arrival, when he feels it. He freezes, disbelieving the sudden rush of warmth nestling on his stomach, spreading from one side to the other of his abdomen; he can already tell that it won’t be a small mark. His eyes immediately go back to Subaru, who, as if confirming this unbelievable phenomenon, appears to be experiencing the same thing. He sees Subaru’s eyes widen in surprise at the same time that he basically slams a hand on his chest; the boy seems confused for a moment, probably as unused to this feeling as Reinhard himself is, uncertainty taking over his face before it dawns on him what is happening, and he flushes violently, color crawling up his neck and cheeks, visible even in this poor lighting.

Reinhard can only watch the display of emotions hoping his own face isn’t doing that. Unfortunately for him it is, but at least he looks much prettier doing it.

Before he can think of something to say, however, they are interrupted by the Bowel Hunter bursting out from a pile of debris. His warning rings out almost too late and it is Subaru’s name the one he calls in his moment of panic, Emilia’s status and his own all but forgotten. Another thing he rarely gets to experience: complete and utter failure, or the closest thing to that he’ll ever come to know. He can’t even get close to Subaru while Emilia is healing him, since that would only make her task more difficult; he can only watch from afar.

He keeps one of his hands pressed flat against his stomach, grateful for the fabric between his hand and the mark; he thinks that otherwise he’d be too afraid to touch it directly. He’d be too afraid to smear it, scared that his touch would erase it from his skin, being as he is a bearer of misfortune. Subaru should know, marked as he now is, a long stem of red and white bleeding hearts descending from his right collarbone to the left side of his chest in a graceful curve, right over the place where Subaru had first held his closed fist in front of him, thanking Reinhard from saving him back in the alley. Subaru’s mark is a horizontal line across Reinhard’s belly, not a neat row of single flowers, but the stroke of a broad brush dotted with forget-me-nots.

This mark should be a brand of shame, given its ironic placement, a mirror of the wound he should have never let reach Subaru, but somehow the meaning isn’t lessened in the least; regardless of where he’s left his mark, it feels more like a promise than punishment. This strange boy will change something for him in the future, of that much he’s sure. It’s not hope, exactly; it’s a feeling of something small and skittish and accustomed to be treated unkindly settling in his heart, lying quietly in wait for a change in the air.

Such is the generosity of this world.

Reinhard considers Emilia’s decision to take Subaru with her for a moment, but, just as he’s preparing himself to argue that he really should be the one to care for him since he is his soulmate, Emilia interrupts him. She looks up at him, still kneeling next to Subaru, her face lit up with a smile that would bring lesser men to their knees.

“I really think I should take him with me, since he’s my soulmate,” she says, her fingers going to the mark on her shoulder, barely grazing it, as if she, much as Reinhard, was afraid to touch it.

She’s right, of course. She has as much claim on Subaru as he does. Even so, Reinhard doesn’t have many friends; he also doesn’t have many soulmates. It’s difficult to ignore the sudden childish impulse of playing tug-o-war with Emilia over this strange boy, but he manages. After all, the mark on him means this won’t be the last he sees of Subaru. He barely hesitates before bowing his head to her.

“Please take good care of him,” he says, keeping his voice even, and Emilia will never know how much he means it.

But this has been a day full of choices, and Reinhard seems to be on a roll.

When he sees the insignia glowing in the girl’s hand, he makes yet another choice. He grabs the girl’s wrist, barely aware of the questions tumbling out his lips, and even as she struggles she makes her own choice to answer. He feels a hope he had long thought of as extinguished blazing with new life and searing half a dozen of yellow snapdragons on his back; with the clothes she wears Felt can’t really conceal the bleeding hearts now twisting around her upper arm, and Reinhard chooses to take that as a reassurance.

Tonight he has received too many things he cannot possibly hope to repay, so he will, for sure, strive to become worthy of the future promised to him by these two marks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, okay, this chapter is a little longer, but that's only because I love Reinhard, so don’t expect this to happen again. Likewise, this chapter is late because I love Reinhard but he’s so difficult to write, and because I had two completely different drafts, since originally it was supposed to be from Subaru's pov, but. _Reinhard._  
>  Anyway, I hope you enjoy this thinly-veiled Reinhard propaganda.  
> Edit: some mistakes fixed, because I shouldn't be allowed to write in the middle of the night, but knowing that isn't going to stop me.


	3. blue bell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third mark which is actually his fourth, and the third mark which will have never been at all.

When he meets the inhabitants of Roswaal’s Mansion, Subaru doesn’t dare to think he’d be lucky (or unlucky) enough to get any marks from anyone other than Emilia, which only goes to show he hasn’t learned his lesson yet.

He asks to be employed as his reward, which in his opinion is a perfectly sensible option, no matter what the others seem to think, and upon having his request accepted he begins to work.

That is, he tries to, woefully unprepared and inexperienced as he is.

The one who takes him under her wing, so to speak, is Ram. Like mirrors, Rem’s blue bells bloom on her sister right leg, and Ram’s pink gladioli bloom on her sister left leg, a dash of color not covered by their uniforms. It is a rarity for blood relations to leave marks, he learns, but that only goes to show how strong the bond between them is. It goes to show, Subaru thinks, that they’re good people, and Subaru is glad to be learning from her.

Even so, the first time, the pair of marks that blooms takes him by surprise; it happens while he’s whining to Ram about how hard he’s been working and she’s snorting derisively at him, and Subaru doesn’t understand how or why, but he’s downright giddy over this development. Ram leaves a long stem of pink gladiolus in full bloom extending from his right hip to his ribs, and he nearly is thrown out a window when he tries to show it off; Subaru’s mark is a tiny blue ring around Ram’s right thumb, one that she scoffs theatrically at, and mercilessly berates the boy for, but even these affectations he welcomes.

There aren’t words in this world or his own that would do any justice to what he feels when he wakes up to find all the hopes he had fostered and the bonds he had forged turned into ashes in his mouth. He hides his face and grieves, just this once, just this one time, he promises himself, and allows himself to mourn all that he had lost at some point while he slept. Another mark lost, another promise that he will break.

This second time Ram’s gladiolus bloom on his forearm and he bursts into tears, promptly embarrassing both of them; Subaru’s mark remains wrapped around Ram’s thumb, even if it doesn’t last.

Another loop, another death that finds him in this place that should have been a safe haven. Another mark he loses.

The third time is even worse, with a string of pink flowers and green leaves blooming around his throat, woven like a choker, like a hanging noose. The shine of gold peeling away to reveal the rot underneath, the hatred of a girl he was fond of if only because she was the little sister of one of his soulmates.

(It is her own mark Ram aims at when she slices his throat, in order to spare him for even more suffering. Ram cannot even look at her sister for fear of what she would do after that, but the knowledge that she would _do_ something is there, heavy in her heart, coiled tight around her thumb.)

This time, dying feels like a mercy, but the damage is done. It had been hard, enduring everything that came before, but this betrayal tears him open, it turns him inside out; it replaces what should have been fertile soil with barren land. He refuses to let the pink gladiolus bloom again.

The fourth time, he sequesters himself away from the other inhabitants of the mansion and decides to bid his time. It’s the wrong choice to make, but at least he comes to recognize this in time; at least this time he ends things on his own terms, of his own volition.

Lost to time, lost to the world as it may be, this is still a choice.

He leaps.

He skirts around the edges of disaster, his heart twisted into knots threatens to choke him, and he comes too close for comfort to losing everything again, but, when all it’s said and done, he overcomes this, too.

The sun turns a girl’s tear into diamonds, her laughter is a benediction, and Subaru tears up a little upon seeing the constellation of forget-me-nots nestled on the right side her forehead; Rem’s blue bells grow from Subaru’s heels up to the middle of his calves, and he very much makes a fool of himself while trying to show off these marks.

Such is the benevolence of this world.

However, the gladioli never bloom for him again. No matter how long they spend together or how close they grow, Natsuki Subaru truly lost that connection when he threw himself over the edge of the cliff and it’s a loss that never stops stinging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I_ think that this still counts as a weekly update. Still, sorry that this chapter is late, but this whole week was very 2020 for some reason. :/  
> I don't love how this chapter turned out, but since I did my best (I'm pretty sure I got the order of the loops right, at least), I'm just going to say that _wow, this certainly is a chapter_ , and leave it at that.


	4. sweet woodruff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth mark comes from an unexpected source, right after Subaru had been convinced he had screwed up things spectacularly with all of his soulmates.

Wilhelm had known, from the moment he had been subjected to Subaru’s clumsy attempt at interrogation, that he was going to have a soft spot for the boy. A bit because of the deep, unexplainable darkness he could see lurking in his eyes, and a bit because he was so much like Wilhelm had been once upon a time; when he was young and foolish and didn’t know any better. Back when his moniker of Sword Demon had been as much praise for his skill as an insult for his reckless behavior.

He is painfully familiar with the particular brand of stupidity that leaves the boy stranded in the Capital, seemingly abandoned by the Royal Candidate he had pledged himself to, and it is not pity what drives Wilhelm to offer to teach him. This boy, so weak as to be hopeless, reminds him of himself; and if there had been hope for Wilhelm, who could not see what he had wanted to protect until he was all but forced to see the answer, then surely there was hope for someone who already knew what was most important thing to him. So he chooses to believe in him, thinking to himself that he’s going soft, and he teaches him as best he can in the short time they have. It’s a little thing, but it feels like it would a betrayal to his past self to not do it. So he does.

This boy, who knew nothing about his shameful past, his unrelenting pursuit of vengeance, who will practically overnight build a path toward the demon Wilhelm had been hunting for fourteen years, with little more than desperate resolve and resolute desperation, with nothing in his mind but a girl he loved—this boy repays this little thing with his heart’s deepest desire.

It’s not a surprise then, that when he falls to his knees before him, he feels the distinct warmth that heralds a mark appearing on his skin; it’s only a bit of a surprise that Subaru reacts the way he does, tripping over himself first, and then over Rem, and stammering as if it wasn’t obvious that what he was doing, what he was offering, would reverberate throughout the world.

Subaru leaves a handful of forget-me-nots scattered across Wilhelm’s shoulder blades; like Theresia’s red peonies on his forearm, his clothes do a well enough job of covering them from prying eyes, and thus he does not have to explain them. Not that he would, even if someone were to see them, even if someone were to _ask_. Someone most likely will (and that someone most likely will be Ferris, when he has to heal his wounds after his battle against the White Whale), and Wilhelm will probably say nothing about it, but it’s a grace he had not been expecting, and one he’s not entirely sure he deserves.

To find something to look forward to and to hope for a future he could no longer imagine after losing Theresia and telling himself that the only reason he still lived was to avenge her; to finally have fulfilled his oath and having received the promise of a tomorrow yet to come that still was his to grasp. There is a path he must walk alongside this child, this young man whose admiration he doesn’t deserve, so surely this only means he must earn it.

As he had devoted himself to become worthy of Theresia, he must once more walk forward.

Such is the mercy of this world.

For his part, Wilhelm leaves a clump of sweet woodruff white flowers on the right side of Subaru’s upper back, like the shadow of a steady hand supporting him; this is a mark that Subaru both treasures and is inordinately proud of, since his feelings towards Wilhelm are very easy to classify and accept, at least in comparison to the tangled mess that most of the other people he has met in this world have left in their wake. Subaru admires Wilhelm, he respects him, he’d like to be just like him when he’s old and grizzled.

That he’s related to Reinhard only registers very tangentially; it’s not like Subaru cares about the Van Astrea name, its history and legacy are things beyond him. But he likes Wilhelm and he likes Reinhard, all the same, and they are more important to him than any past they carry on their shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is whole week late because I decided to take a break, because I was very busy, and then very tired, and I had to revisit some parts of this anime that I don’t particularly enjoy. But I like how this chapter turned out, for the most part, so I’m going to count it as a win.  
> Also, because I got overexcited that people liked this fic, and wrote another Re:Zero AU, so there’s that.  
> edit: I can't believe I forgot to add the tags for this chapter, I can't, I can't.


	5. amarillys belladonna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fifth mark has Subaru seriously considering calling bullshit on the whole thing.

The first time, it happens in the worst possible circumstances—not that Subaru is even aware of the pair of marks blooming on his skin when they do.

It happens in the forest, madness beneath his skin, a plea for mercy in his throat, and two friends he will regret having to force to bear this burden bearing witness to his failure.

Subaru’s own blood blooms red before either mark appears. Julius can feel the forget-me-nots crawling over his sword arm; twins of the flowers already blooming from the tips of Ferris’ fingers and up his elbow, like a curse. Ferris’ own blue bachelor’s buttons a bloodied mark marring the cheek he had touched. Julius’ amarillys bloom besides Subaru’s mouth, also stained with blood, the edges of the pastel pink petals touching his lips. As if he had choked on them, like the words he never got to say.

It is uncommon, to leave a mark so close to death, but not entirely unheard of. It means they both will live the rest of their lives with this regret woven in their bones; the time they have left will be in memory of this one life lost, they will live for his sake, in many ways.

Such is the cruelty, such is the unfairness of this world.

For the rest of their lives, they will continue to pay for this sin.

They would have, in this cruel, unfair world; but fortunately for them that’s not the case, since Subaru is involved.

Subaru shakes off this gruesome death and tries again, even if he doesn’t like the plan he comes up with all that much. Still, he’s already fought alongside the (former?) bane of his existence and that has mellowed out his animosity towards him, even if only a tiny little bit. Subaru has forgiven worse things, he supposes; he still doesn’t have to like it, though.

For his part, Julius is aware that he’s earned Subaru’s resentment, and he is aware that the boy has done something he, in his capacity as a knight, could never have dreamed of accomplishing; it should be an impossible, mad thing to believe that someone that had been so powerless before him had turned around and proven his every judgement of him so utterly wrong in such a grand manner. Four hundred years of blood and loss ended by a child that had disgraced himself by throwing a tantrum.

And now this.

The part he asks Julius to play should make no sense, but seeing as how he had apparently been right about the White Whale, Julius decides to trust him. It is no small thing, all things considered; no less than Subaru also trusting him to play said part. Nevertheless, it is a rather strange to have this much trust placed upon him, a trust born from hatred or something uncomfortably close to it; to have someone loathe you for your strength in such a way that it could only be taken as an acknowledgment of said strength. It should feel like a backhanded compliment or an insult that had first pierced the heart of the one flinging it like mud at his face; Julius can’t say that he’s ever experienced such straightforward vitriol before, but it’s almost easy to accept coming from someone so utterly, obviously unfettered.

And so, the second time comes after they have emerged victorious from this ordeal.

All in all, they’re lucky it happens until after they defeated the Archbishop, because otherwise they both would have been skewered by those damn hands while they gawked incredulously at each other.

As things stand, though, Julius sees Subaru slap his knee, as if he’s been just bitten by a bug, before he feels it; and when he registers just what it is he’s feeling, he thinks, in a very unknightly way, _what the hell?_ , though he does what he can to not let that thought show on his face.

Subaru is far less subtle; he blanches before turning to glower at Julius as if the whole thing is his fault alone, and then he says:

“ **No**.”

As if _that_ ’s going to change anything.

Julius can only laugh, which only makes Subaru glower even harder in his general direction, but really, it’s not like he’s laughing at the boy. Subaru punches him in the arm and Julius is just overall grateful there are no witnesses to see him at the moment.

A single amarillys makes its home on Subaru’s upper thigh, just above his right knee, while half a dozen forget-me-nots spread in the space between Julius’ eyes and his temples on each side of his face. There is no hiding such a mark, and the thought of having to explain only makes him laugh harder, only a bit at his newly-acquired soul mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost missed the weekly update because the first part of this chapter has been done for a while, and I forgot I had to write the second part. I basically went, 'huh, this sure is a short chapter--oh, wait', so this was a little rushed. Let me knows if it shows too much.
> 
> (Also! Not featured: me playing pin the tail on the donkey with Subaru's soulmarks. I should have made a list at the beginning or something.)


	6. morning glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sixth mark is the only one he had been expecting, even if he believed he didn't deserve it.

Subaru had suspected, from the very beginning, that this world was wrong. Just a little, but that little was more than enough for someone like him. Subaru had, deep down, suspected that he didn’t deserve these marks he had been given. He had believed this, he had been sure of this.

And then the second trial happened.

And then he had to deal with what came after that—yes, the witches, and yes, Satella and the unspeakable feelings thundering inside him, but also, mostly, his own stupidity. It was one thing to understand, to be aware of it, but it’s completely different to be forced to confront it head on. Well, now he knows.

He doesn’t deserve the soulmates he already has; of course he doesn’t deserve to have any more. No one deserves to be saddled with the calamity that is Natsuki Subaru as a soulmate.

He’s already failed Rem; he lost her and he lost his chance to go back and make it right—and he tried, god, god knows he tried. Ram no longer has any bluebells on her, and the mark left on Subaru is a faded, colorless shadow of what it was.

He screwed over his relationship with Reinhard apparently, ultimately, over nothing, since Julius of all people had the gall to become yet another soulmate cursed to bear with Natsuki Subaru’s fuck ups. Even Wilhelm hadn’t been spared of being hurt because of him, because of his selfishness, his ignorance; what did it matter if it was only what the trial had shown him?

And, of course, there are no words to describe what a self-serving, conceited, hypocritical shit he’s been to Emilia.

He doesn’t deserve any of them, none of them, not a single one. He never did and, try as he might, maybe he never will.

And yet—he’s been waiting for a mark to appear, any moment now.

If he’s being honest with himself (and, strangely enough, in this instance he is), he’s been waiting for it to happen from the moment (now forgotten, now erased, now only a memory in his battered heart) Otto had claimed he was his friend. Because he was convinced that nothing he did could matter all that much if it at any time everything could be wiped out because of a single mistake; and Otto proved him wrong.

So he had hoped.

He didn’t get a mark in any the previous loops, and Subaru would never admit it he wanted it, even if he was sure he was only going to lose it, if nothing else because it would be a sign that he was doing something other than running in circles, watching everything fall apart around him no matter where he was.

So he had hoped.

Even when Otto found him and Patrasche in front of them tomb, after spectacularly failing the second trial, when he asked him if he loved him, Otto hadn’t outright said no. That was why it had been so easy to ignore the words Otto was saying, and why it was so easy to tell him, as if answering the declaration he had made in another life, ‘You’re my friend’—embarrassing as it was.

But knowing that, admitting that much, wasn’t enough; this friendship is, and was always going to be, the natural outcome of them meeting. It is a natural consequence of the kind of people both of them are.

So he had _hoped_.

It is with this hope that he disregards everything his common sense is telling him and decides to trust Otto; a blind, baseless trust, an aching, desperate plea to be believed, in spite of having no proof, no explanation, and no grounds to ask for such belief. In spite of the terror jammed in his throat at the thought that at any moment he’d say the wrong thing and a hand that had held his would squeeze the breath out of him. In spite of the fear not only of dying and losing everything, but also of losing this friendship that had taken him completely by surprise; if he loses it then surely his entire self would fracture all over again, and who knows who would want or dare to pick up all his jagged pieces?

This kind of leap of faith, closing his eyes and letting himself fall with faith in his heart that someone will catch him, even when he has given them no reasons to do so, is a gamble Otto is familiar with because he’s been on the other side of that particular situation.

Otto’s family had left a practical garden upon his skin; faithful, commonplace plants he could find anywhere: yarrow for his father, chamomile for his mother, lavender and echinacea for his siblings. A rarity, but given the way he had been as a child Otto wasn’t surprised in the slightest; it is from his family that he learned the kind of person he wanted to be, and he’s been trying to become the kind of person his family could be proud of ever since he left them, and, though unexpected, this is a trial of its own that he must give an answer to.

Otto does, because he has to, because he’s the kind of person who cannot let that faith go unanswered, especially not after asking for it, after demanding such thing, after saying he would answer in kind.

Therefore, Otto does listen to all of it without interrupting; and he believes all of it without asking for evidence or explanations Subaru can’t give, and, finally, with bright eyes and a smile that could bring Subaru to tears, he looks at Subaru and turns his back on the principles he had followed in his life as a merchant, and he says that he believes him, as he has assured him he would, and that he’ll risk everything on that belief.

The pair of marks that Subaru has been hoping, waiting for bloom right there on the forest floor, with the taste of blood still in his mouth and a stupidly cheery expression still on Otto’s face. He feels the sudden warmth he has gotten used to growing right over his throbbing cheek, and a small morning glory bud appears there, extending a delicate tendril that loops behind his ear and makes its way down his neck, tiny heart-shaped leaves sprouting along until it stops just before reaching his shoulder joint and hidden by his shirt. Otto’s startled expression is just as sudden, though he looks down at his hand, a spatter of forget-me-nots dusting over the back of his fingers like a never-fading bruise or giving the illusion of knuckledusters made of flowers.

It’s so ridiculous he’s not sure who begins laughing first, but honestly, Otto has seen nothing but the embarrassing parts of Subaru, so he doesn’t mind.

Such is the kindness of this world.

There’s nothing that Subaru could ever do to deserve something like that, and there is no way he’ll ever be able to repay what Otto has given him, what he had thought only someone like Echidna could provide, he knows this. But he can try. It’s the least he can do.

And because he can, and because he hopes to one day deserve all of his soulmates a little more, he _will_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long chapter! Because Otto is another favorite character of mine!  
> But also because this story is going on break for a little while, since I want/need to wait for the anime, because I don't want to write the following chapters based only on the webnovel. So I'll write some other projects in the mean time and come back next year.  
> Thank you to everyone who read this, take care!


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